Maaaaan, I've been thinking about what to blog about for, oh, since I wrote my very first one some seven weeks ago... Let's just say this thing has become a burden on my mind.

But I have a feeling that can change. Persistance. Persistance. Persistance.

I started composing one maybe three weeks ago and then I clicked the back button and Boom! it was gone... Just like that.... Horrible thing.
It brings that quote to mind: "A blog is terrible thing to waste." Or did that quote go… ? Never mind.

Some days after that I sat down to write something and then promptly discarded it. Now, some weeks later, I'm trying again.

Why the struggle with this thing? Maybe because my mind's been caught up with the epic journey of this XBOX game I've been into of late. (Yeh, I'm a bit of a gamer: but hey it beats golf in winter... less water in your shoes and a lot less walking to do!)

Or maybe it's fear. Fear of saying the wrong thing... or the right thing.

Fear. It gets in the way. In the way of expression, of reality, of truth.

So what am I afraid of? That I might offend someone with what I say? But hey any decent reader will be around no matter what I say, right? And, if not, those aren’t the kind of readers you want anyway. (No offense to you, of course, Dearest of Readers…)

Maybe it's the habit of Fear. We are a society of fear: Buy this or you'll get sick. Buy this because you're sick and you might get sicker. Lease this car: it will save you from the fear of feeling "less than" your neighbor. Get this product: it will literally save your life.

On and on and on and on and on. And on.

It's on the news. It's in commercials. It's in our heads.

It can infect our lives.

But if it's so damaging, why do we give it sway? Why do we allow it to hold us back?

The Bible says it’s a good thing to Fear the Lord. I didn't understand that for a long time. In fact, it made me a little angry. Why am I being told that Fear is GOOD? I was tired of feeling fear. And I somehow knew that it wasn’t a good thing for me.

Well, what I had forgotten was that God is God and He is a powerful God, and when you're dealing with a Being of that caliber, you naturally are going to have some fear or you probably don't really understand how powerful He is. And when you get down to what the word really means in that context, you're talking about a healthy respect and reverence for who God is. Makes sense. It even makes good mental health sense.

But what about fears in every day human relationships? “They may not love me. They may not even like me.” I had thought these fears were reserved for the teenage years yet, as I've gotten older, I realize some of these insecurities can still linger.

But if God loves me, shouldn't that be enough? In a word, Yes.

Is it enough? Feels like a big “No” sometimes. I know it should be enough – and in reality, it is enough. But, if I’m completely honest, I don’t always Believe that it is. And that can make a big difference – whether or not I wholly Believe it.

I tell myself, “Hey, you’re afraid to talk about what you do for a living. You need a new job... one that will give you a better sense of accomplishment and worth.” Or, for some of us, you just need A Job. Tough times, right? They say that an important part of a man's self-worth is tied to his career. Well, “Amen!” to that. Because when someone asks you what you do for a living and you're a waiter for a major corporate restaurant and you also happen to be 37 years old, it's not exactly something you’re extremely proud of.

I've had other jobs…. Some involved ministry work. There was a bigger sense of self and confidence.

But it wasn't necessarily my calling. It was something I did because I was there and the need was there and I do have a history with the church and some Bible knowledge. And I really did want to help, to make a difference.

But, for whatever reason, it didn’t work out… I was down-sized, or there was a need to move, or, to simply move on. But in all those cases, there was a sense of failure… that I never matched or met the needs of the people. That I had let them down in some way. And in so doing, I had let myself (and even God) down…

(to be continued…)